resting

Work when there is work to do.  Rest when you are tired.  One thing done in peace will most likely be better than ten things done in panic… I am not a hero if I deny rest; I am only tired.  ~Susan McHenry

Simple words.  Yet I have such a hard time doing this simple thing: rest when tired.  I feel guilty, lazy, unworthy when I do.  Push through, stiff upper-lip and all that.  All of my life I’ve pushed through.  Now I find I cannot, not without immediate consequences.  So Crohnes teaches me another lesson.  Thank you, my illness, my most excellent teacher.

Today I feel like I am just barely keeping my head above water emotionally.  My throat aches with unshed tears.  My arm is itchy with hives.  My neck and shoulders are tight with tension and my belly is an iron fist.  I need to rest.  REAL rest, not just vegging out with tv or a novel.  A stroll through the neighborhood to feel the breeze in my hair.  Dim lights, candles and flutes with my yoga practice.  Sitting in quiet meditation.  These are the things I need, like air, like water.

So, today I rest.  Tomorrow I see my daughters for a day or two.  I already ache with their leaving and they haven’t even arrived yet!  I’m a mess today.

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