pillow talk

“I need to slow down on my pot smoking. I’m not getting anything done…the house is messy and I’m turning into a slug. I know, ’cause my Aunt Gertrude just told me so.”

“Aunt Gertrude?”

“Yeah, you know – the fussy old lady that lives in my head and tells me when I’m lazy or stupid or fat and won’t let me use double negatives.”

“I don’t have an Aunt Gertrude.”

“You don’t?”

“Naw, I have an Uncle Oscar.”

“Uncle Oscar? Well, what does he say?”

“Nothing…he just sits around in his underwear all day.”